Category Archives: Exploration

Present Over Perfect

So I’m reading this amazing book “Present Over Perfect” by Shauna Niequist and it’s really got me thinking. I was drawn to it because lately I’ve been trying to practice and be in the present. It’s always been difficult for me to live in ‘the now’. I tend to live in the future because I’ve always operated from a get shit done mentality. However, when I’m sad or lonely I revert to nostalgia and my past. 

I’m only a quarter through this book and holy shit I feel like a lot of it was written through me. Ok, maybe not the parts when she references being a mother and her kids and husband but damn. 

Here’s the thing… there was some divine intervention that happened in February. I lost my job and was forced to slow down. Slowing down made  sure the ice that we’ll call numbness melted. The ice was the shield of anything that got in the way of me operating at a gazillion miles an hour. With it melting it made me look at what was left underneath the water of the melted thick block of ice. It truly made me take inventory of where I was currently at. So where was I? Let me remind you. I was lost, scared, confused, lonely, sad, grateful, relieved, stressed. I was all those things and then some. My world felt pretty bleak and so so gray.

It’s now about to be September. I’ve felt even more emotions since then if you can believe it. But where I am now.. presently I’m in a place that feels new and true and challenging and beautiful and bright and authentic and right. This is where I need to be. I’m in a place of acceptance and love and openness and growth and curiosity. I’m digging in deep of the crevices of past hurt that I stifled for so long. I’m grieving. And in doing so I’m cultivating new ways of being. What used to serve me no longer serves me. 

I liken it to the metaphor of a snake shedding its skin. I want to rid myself of all this old skin, these parasites (ideas, behaviors, habits) that don’t serve me. It’s a rebirth of sorts. 

I’m really excited to get back to who I really am and who I want to be. I’m finally ready to start loving myself in all my perfect imperfections and I’m so grateful to be able to remake my life from the inside out and unfold all the goodness along the way. 


To let go; to bring in

As the year comes to a close I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection. There was a night I gifted (well not quite gifted since it’s something we should give ourselves more frequently with zero guilt) myself where I sat down to be with my thoughts while I drank some fantastic wine with a smell good candle lit and Huxley snoozing on the bed by my side. It’s kind of incredible what a treat a night to yourself spent in the way you want to does for your being. It’s so completely underrated. 

I suggest you all give yourself a night immediately. 

You guys, I’ve done a lot this year. And it’s crazy to think I just realized how much I’ve done. I tend to jump in headfirst and boom there’s autopilot. It used to work for me. It was a survival skill I learned very young to help me through life that I now know wasn’t easy, ideal, or to be honest very loving. I don’t want it to sound like love was lacking in my life but the love was conditional and hard. It wasn’t conducive to a child’s growth or mindset.

But what I want now for myself is to be more mindful. I want expansion. I want to be seen. And by doing/having/being I will then create so much more opportunity in my life. 

I’ve learned that what I tend to do is expend ALL energy I have in work, friendships, whatever. And then as fast as I started I’m left exhausted, tired, and heavy with no energy. Ugh. It’s depleting. And it’s not sustainable. 

I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past 5 years. And I haven’t done it without help. 

If ever there was a segue to the idea of therapy I’m going to take this as it. 

Therapy is important. It is fruitful to being a well rounded person who can look at their hardships and give themselves love. Love to forgive. Love to accept. Love to take action. 

I cannot stress this enough. Therapy is important. It can have a negative stigma and that’s bullshit. 

Would you ask a sommelier what wine they recommend that pairs the best for the plate of food you’re about to order at an established 4 star restaurant? Did you not have a coach to guide you and challenge your physical and mental strength and capacity for whatever sport you played in school or professionally? Do big wig executives not have a board of trusted advisors to check in quarterly on the roadmap and to advise them of sound decisions to ensure a company is headed in the right direction? 

Then why the fuck as a human being living as an adult do you not have a therapist or life coach who has studied, mastered and understands human behaviors, thoughts, and emotion. It’s imperative as a citizen of the world and if, at the very least, as a person who craves something beyond them, to understand who they are by unearthing what they came from to discover who they want to be. Read that again. Please.

You guys, your ego is an incredibly powerful thing. It can hinder so much of who you are. But by acknowleding and recognizing how and when it shows up and why will allow you to move mountains. 

By any means do I think I am moving mountains but by every fuck out there I have the ability to do so. And there’s a fuck for you if you think otherwise.

I am a better person for asking for and seeking help. I’ve always had a problem asking for things. I had pride. I had ego. I had insecurity. 

Now? Now I have and am still learning love for myself. And compassion. 

I want so much for myself. I know you do too. We owe it to ourselves to give ourselves all the resources to actualize our wants.

This is my life. I have to remind myself that I have time. I also have the skills and resources in abundance. 

So this is me. 

I am so grateful for what 2016 has brought me from experiencing the opera at the Met for the first time, to the travel to far away lands, to all the glasses of wine and bowls of fondue at Murray’s Cheese Bar, to those bartenders at Murrays Cheese Bar who didn’t judge me for all the glasses of wine and bowls of fondue I scarfed  down and instead hooked me up, to my super who unclogged my toilet and gave hux love, to drs appointments and physical therapy for my knees, to all the people that have visited me and shared with me their first New York moments, to the seamless food delivery guys that brought me lunch at work daily, to Huxley’s sweet lovable nature, to being able to surprise my best friend on her birthday, to all the apt cleaning I did resentfully, to the subways that came at just the right time, to my shitty narcissistic boss, to becoming a certified coach, to the friends that I’ve laughed and cried with, to saying goodbye to my brothers, my mother, and Becca who beacame one of my best friends, to the overpriced New York everything, to the Greek guy who reminded me how I want to be loved, to being published in a handful of online articles for work, to my rooftop views, to relinquishing my Cali license, to 2016 and everything in between. 

I let go of stories I narrated to myself that don’t serve me. I let go of the negative ideas and perceptions I held of myself. I thank them for the lessons I’ve learned. I am grateful for everything. I hate the turn of connotation of the word has taken but I will say it. I feel blessed. 

For 2017 I bring in expansion. However that means. I say yes to love, to opprtunity, to life.

I breathe it all in. I expand. 


There are so many wonderful things to be grateful for. With Thanksgiving this past week it’s a really great reminder to give thanks and have gratitude (especially in lieu of the current state of our country). 
I try to keep daily reminders of gratitude. Sometimes I forget to write them out but never am I not grateful. 

In honor of Thanksgiving and because #lists below are all the things I am grateful for in this moment:

  • Friends and family near and far more specifically… 
  • – my mom. I miss having her around. Especially now with her being in the Philippines she’s so far removed from my life. She has done so much for me. I miss her terribly. Wish I could be around her for the holidays.
  • – my brothers. One in the army and one in the air force. They decided to dedicate themselves to the good of the country and I look up to them for doing so. I also appreciate them so much more and spending time with each of them separately earlier this year has made me closer to them and that means the world to me.
  • – my sister and nephew bear. They came to visit me in New York not too long ago and it wasn’t easy but I needed it. Not being able to see my nephew grow daily and hang out with my sister weekly breaks my heart.
  • – my Bay Area friends. They are so much of me. They are beautiful in every way. They are supportive and loving and incredible. My life is lacking without them. I feel it every day.
  • – the one very special friendship I made in New York. B, you know what you mean to me.  Thank you. 
  • – the friends here I have that get me, love me, accept me through this very weird strange transition in my life. 
  • Taking a risk by moving to New York City. It truly is one of the best cities in the world and the most culturally diverse. I fell in love with this city 9 years ago and held on to the dream that I would one day live here. Dream realized.
  • Having a good job at a great start up company that provides benefits, unlimited paid time off, awesome coworkers, and a bi-weekly paycheck
  • Huxley. 4 and some change later my little pup continues to teach me about responsibility, love, playfulness and companionship
  • My west village apt. Before I set out to New York I envisioned living in this area. 3rd times the charm in in my New York apt search! I’m surrounded by endless amazing restaurants, great subway lines in short walking distance, Washington sq park, dog parks, Hudson River, and great boutiques. My apt is cozy, gets amazing light, has a responsive helpful nice superintendent and an amazing roof deck. I hit the New York apt jackpot
  • Travel travel travel. I’ve had some pretty incredible trips this year and have even more on the horizon. My perspective has broadened because of it and I’ve met some incredible people along the way. Not to mention strengthened existing relationships that were already so dear to me and on top of all that I’ve seen beautiful sights.
  • My health. Things are a little worn down but it just gives me character. I’m healthy and I have a full functioning body. 
  • Pretty things. Flowers, sunsets, architecture, stylish clothes, my west elm mid century dresser. I like pretty things.
  • Everything I learned from coaching. It opened up a new world for me. One for which I will never look at things the same. I realize from it that I have so much to give. That there are people walking around that also have so much to give. It’s a beautiful community. 
  • Choices and opportunities and signs of goodness that continue to show themselves to me. 

I’m so very grateful. There’s so much more that I haven’t listed. One of my best friends is in town this week. I had thanksgiving with a small group of humans and 2 of which are people I’m only starting to get to know. I spent the day happy. It will be one I know I will remember forever…

Lastly, I am thankful for you. Thank you for wishing me love and goodness in my journey. I will never take that for granted. 



    Time is really escaping me in this wonderful crazy fast paced city. I didn’t mean for it to take this long for me to update. There has been so much happening and so much I’ve wanted to write about since I last posted.

    Firstly, I’m surviving and well (enough). Since the last you’ve heard from me 2 months ago, I’ve been to Chicago for a work trip, Puerto Rico for a girls trip, SXSW in Austin for an alcohol/drug fueled get away from New York trip, worked more of my ass off, moved to the West Village with a roommate, been on a few dates, became a certified Life Coach, gotten a new boss, my company raised series C funding, been back home to Cali  to say ‘goodbye’ to a lot of things I love including family, gotten a raise, and  booked my next big trip to Turkey for the fall.


    Things ya’ll. Big things and I’m still trying to figure out the time to process it all. It’s hard.

    Sometimes I wonder if I’ve come this far because I haven’t had time to process or maybe even possibly because that I won’t allow myself to. Huh. Food for thought..

    I digress.

    Life moves very very quickly here in New York. My 2 year anniversary is fast approaching and so much has happened since I said farewell to being a Cali resident July 2014. I’ve really solidified some really amazing friendships I have here. I will cherish forever these people who have been a part of my new life; who btw probably don’t or won’t ever even understand the magnitude of their contribution to my life. It’s crazy.

    When I set out to move to this city I had so many ideas and ideals of what my life would look like.  So many personal goals I set myself to accomplish. So many dreams I thought would remain unrequited and just what they started off to be… simply dreams.

    I’m somewhat stupefied, yet somehow simultaneously not at all amazed that I am where I am today. In some ways I really surprised myself but in others I always knew that I could be capable of anything I set my mind to.

    Could I be more vague? hah. Get at me if you have questions.

    I am proud and unbelievably grateful to be where I am in the place that I am. I worked very hard to be the person I am today. I went through a lot of life’s shit already. I survived it. I’m still here and I’ve experienced many wonderful things, some really sad things, and some things I sometimes wish I didn’t but because I did, I gained perspective, appreciation, and gratitude.

    When I packed up my life in California to live in New York City I really wanted to be living in the West Village. Besides that I  longed to be working in a start up that I truly believed in, that had leadership I could admire and get behind, that was headed somewhere substantial, where I could grow and learn and showcase the skills I’ve acquired thus far, where I made solid friendships, where I had a lot of fun, and that truly appreciated my efforts. Is that a lot? I didn’t think so. I also wanted to fall in love again. That’s really hard for me to admit. I’m being very vulnerable right now admitting to whoever reads this that I wanted to fall in love again and that frankly, I have been ready for it.  {*Sidenote: Man, it really does make things so incredibly real when it’s ‘said’ aloud (or in this case written) out loud.}

    I really put in the energy and time the moment I landed in New York to get to where I am.  2 out of 3 major things accomplished in less than 2 years ain’t bad right? Besides, along the way I stumbled upon Life Coaching and so many other truly wonderful things and experiences and people.

    Thank you for those who believed in me and sent me your support silently or that cheered loudly along the sidelines. Clearly, your efforts have not been ignored! It’s funny though how writing things all out seems like whoa, but in my head and my heart things kinda end up feeling like I’m living by either surviving or not. This must be why it’s important to process. Huh. Imagine that.

    Regardless, it’s nice to be able to pause for a minute.

    Like, whoa…



    More on community and cultural learning

    For one of the learning sessions we just sat around and talked about attire, greetings, traditions for ceremonies and really just anything that came up about cultural differences from each of our own countries. We had volunteers not just from the US but also Turkey, Argentina, the Philippines, Italy, France, and China.

    In Tanzania the women wear kangas. They have sayings on them that mean different things and must be worn correctly although there are a variety of ways to wear them as depicted below.

    Most of our at home activities took place in the common area where we also had breakfast lunch and dinner.













    There’s also a specific handshake to greet your peers and those older than you. When you say hello or hey to someone you say ‘Jambo’ short for Hujambo. When you greet an older person you say Shikamo Mama or Shikamo Baba for respect. Elders are treated in a high regard. You can even shikamo your older sister (dada) or brother (caca). Shikamo translates to ‘I hold your feet’. The response by an elder would be ‘Maharba’. Which means ‘I am delighted’.

    There are other greetings as well like ‘habari’ which means how are you. The typical response when being asked questions like these is to say ‘Nzuri’ which could mean fine, or good, or okay.









    We weren’t allowed to have alcohol at the house but I had found out from a previous volunteer who left the day I arrived that there was a “bar” around the corner. It wasn’t so much a bar as it was someone’s house that partially served as a store. Enter Josephina’s. We would frequent this place a lot. Mama Josephina was great. We even met some of her kids.



    Every time we left the compound it was required we sign out.












    Other times when we would go into town (every Tuesday & Thursday from 4-6) in which there were opportunities for cold beers then as well. The beer choices were aptly names Serengeti, Safari, Kilimanjaro and there was also a cider called Savannah dry that some of the girls loved. It was too sweet for me so I stuck with beer for the most part.

    In town we would hit up the super market to get any essentials for showers and what not but also if we wanted to get supplies to bring to our placements. Every time we got to town we were bombarded by guys selling tchotchkes like bracelets, small paintings or jerseys.

    Loading up the vans on our way to town.




    First time we exchanged currency. Felling like bajillionaires. Makin’ it rain all over Moshi. The conversion rate was about 2000 shillings to 1 US dollar.


    After each visit the view of the Supermarket and ATM became redundant and boring.



    As well as going to the Pristine office across the street from the ATM.


    All the beautiful beers we weren’t allowed to take back to homebase. What a shame indeed.


    A fun place to get amazing art made by local artists. I wanted to buy a painting but even after bargaining they would cost hundreds of dollars. Instead I opted to take pictures of the paintings. 😉















    With one of my 3 roommates, Kelsey


    Our awesome CCS drivers that were way more than drivers, Baba John & Joseph


    There were so many salons everywhere and they all had pictures of celebrities either hand drawn or on a banner like this in the front. Here we have Ludacris. I also saw Obama, Aaliyah, Kanye, Bob Marley etc


    Pretty little souvenirs



    Walking through town. Karibu means ‘you are welcome’. You can say it in the context of first arriving somewhere or even when responding to when someone says ‘asante’ (thank you).




    The beautiful Mosque in the center of town


    Down the road not too far away was a Hindu temple





    The bus station. We were advised not to take the dala dala buses as they are overcrowded and super unsafe.



    It seemed like Coca Cola sponsored all of Tanzania as there were signs everywhere. That and also signs of Vodacom. Ironic given I had just recently quit working for the global company Vodafone. hah!





    Enjoying beers as a restaurant in town. ‘Karibu tena’ means ‘you are welcome again’ like come again or welcome to come back.




    Community and cultural learning

    Sorry for the delayed posts. Tanzania already feels like a lifetime ago in New York minutes but it’s so nice to relive the moments as I express them to you.

    Our days at homebase were so busy. Sometimes it was difficult to catch a breath or process all that was going on. I felt like I was there for months simply because of all we did in one day and not sleeping well from the jet lag. Our schedule was back to back. Some of us even opted out of an activity or two because we were completely exhausted.

    Flying across the world into a different time zone there’s a period of allowing your body to adjust. Top that off with a different culture, learning a new language, getting to know people you are sharing close proximities with, and doing something most of the group have never done before (teaching) causes one to expend a great deal of energy. To make for even greater exhaustion is to add, oh i don’t know, lots and lots of kids to the mix.

    Our weekends were free to us to do as we pleased. Throughout the week Monday – Friday we had different activities planned with little free time and an 11PM curfew.  The activities were really great way to learn about the community and the culture. The curfew I didn’t much care for when it became inconvenient on my last few nights.

    We had Swahili lessons, speakers that gave presentations at homebase – a local politician talking on education and country history (which I missed because I took a nap instead and was happy to learn I didn’t miss much) and a representative from NAFGEM: Network Against Female Genital Mutilation to spread the word on FGM (This was by far the hardest thing to sit through. Although it was hard I completely understand the need to be educated on it and learned very interesting and disturbing things), we visited a local hospital, had a night of tribal dancing, took a tour of the CCBRT (Comprehensive Community Based Rehabilitation In Tanzania – they worked on issues of disabilities such as like club feet, cleft palates etc), visited a local tribe (Chagga), had reflection as a group on our placements and anything that came up surrounding that, was given an open session on local dress and traditions and greetings, visited the local Amani Center for street children, as well as had nights scheduled where we were taken to town and had free time to go to the market, hit up the ATM, go shopping, grab drinks or go to our tour company Pristine to work out any issues revolving the tours we signed up for on the weekends.

    Whoah. That’s a lot right? It sure was. But a lot in a really good way.

    CCS was really great in that regard. We jumped headfirst and immersed ourselves completely and in such a short amount of time learned a great deal. It was definitely a different way to travel. I am used to being left to my own devices when traveling or going to an excursion or two with a tour group that albeit fun, didn’t quite provide background on community issues.

    George was one of our program directors at homebase. This is his office.


    Swahili lessons in our common area.


    We spoke to doctors and took a tour through the local hospital. It was definitely a culture shock to see what was available. As we were walking I even noticed a needle on the ground. That couldn’t have been good. The grounds were open and I didn’t see any individual rooms. There are a handful of doctors that work in the hospital but they mostly rely on medical volunteers.






    DSC00078 (1)

    This last picture is the beautiful view of Moshi from the 2nd floor of the hospital.


    CCBRT is a private disability clinic and relies heavily on large donations. They offer free treatment to kids up until the age of 5. They are the largest disability provider in Tanzani and give such a wonderful service to the community.







    The Amani local orphanage and center for street children. This was down the road from homebase towards town. They also rely very heavily on large donations.















    This beautiful boy below was autistic. Behind him a teacher was giving a lesson to the other children.


    Some of our group walking back to homebase after the tour.


    Traditional dance night! This night was SOOO much fun! We had a dance group come to home base and set up in the beautiful front grounds of homebase. They danced and we danced with them. It was such a great night. Wish I had more pictures but it was so dark outside so lighting wasn’t ideal.

    Our program Director Mama Thea is in the middle in orange representing one of her tribe’s dances.





    *More pics to come on all the cool learning activities! I am missing Tanzania something real fierce at the moment and I feel so blessed I got the chance to have that experience.

    Introduction: A little town called Moshi

    When I signed up for Cross Cultural Solutions and I researched the organization I decided rather quickly I wanted to go to Africa. I had never stepped foot onto the continent and I frankly didn’t know when I would get the opportunity to do so. That, coupled with the fact that there is so much need in Africa and being that this was a volunteer trip, not just a vacation, made it an easy choice. CCS had 2 options for Africa at the time I signed up. One being Moshi in Tanzania in the Kilimanjaro region and 1 in South Africa in or around Cape Town. I thought that Cape Town wouldn’t be as rich of a cultural experience so Moshi won by a landslide.

    To help you understand where I was below are maps of Africa and Tanzania specifically. On the Africa map Tanzania is in the East with Kenya and Uganda to the North, Rwanda, Burundi and Democratic Rep of Congo to the West and Zambia, Malawi and Mozambique to the South. Moshi is in the North East in Tanzania bordering Kenya.


    To give you more background; Moshi is a municipality. A town consisting of over 200,000 people in the Kilimanjaro region based off of Mt Kilimanjaro, which is a dormant volcanic mountain. It’s the tallest mountain of the African continent and the highest free standing mountain in the world! I’ll get to more of Kili in a later post. More on Moshi. Moshi is a lovely town with even lovelier people. There are a lot of tourists given the popularity of hiking the mountain and also a lot of volunteers from the states and elsewhere that have decided to call Moshi their home. But what’s great is that you don’t get the ‘tourist’ vibe at all. All the mzungus (white people is the translated term. I know. Even I was called a mzungu because I was a foreigner. And it’s not at all meant to be derogatory) speak fluent swahili for the most part. Kiswahili is the national dialect of Tanzania, it is also the dialect of the surrounding countries I mentioned above that are in East Africa. I think it’s a beautiful language. The intonations and emphasized vowels make it seem like you’re singing happily. Hmm.. what else about Moshi? Moshi produces a lot of resources such as maize, sunflower oil, millet, beans, bananas etc. The local tribes are the Chagga tribe and the Maasai tribe. I’ll get into more of that later as well.

    Anyways, I flew out of JFK and had a connection in Amsterdam. I wish I was able to visit Amsterdam this trip but I wanted to spend as much time as I could in Tanzania and many years ago I spent some time in Amsterdam so it was a quick layover of my eyes being overstimulated with fake tulips, heineken beers, and cheese then I was on my way to Tanzania.






    My flight landed around 8PM and we deplaned in the middle of the runway in the tiny Kilimanjaro Airport. For being an International Airport it had the bare minimum when landing. Immediately I was in line for customs and once I got through that a few steps more and I was at baggage claim. Easy peasy.

    I got in a day before most of the people in the program were scheduled to arrive.  I had booked a hotel to get my bearings about me and get some good rest before I started the program. What was cool is that coincidentally the people I sat next to on the plane also booked the same hotel. It was a very lovely mother and her 2 also lovely daughters. They had booked safaris and such to celebrate one of the daughter’s college graduation. When we got to our hotel and settled a bit I met them at the bar and we chatted and hung out for a bit.





    The next morning I met them for breakfast and bid them a good trip. Unfortunately, it was raining so there wasn’t too much I could do and the views were a bit restricted. I caught the tail end of the rainy season my first few days in Moshi. But it wasn’t too bad as the hotel grounds were beautiful. I talked to other guests staying at the hotel headed to climb the summit of Mt Kilimanjaro and tried to learn some swahili from the bartender.











    I was getting picked up by the CCS drivers around noon so I had some time to relax beforehand but I was anxious to meet people and see the house and what not. When the drivers, Baba (Baba means father. It is said out of respect. Just like if it’s an older woman who likely has kids you call her Mama) John and Joseph picked me up we went to the airport to pick up 4 others that were on the same flight. As we waited Baba John and Joseph taught me a lot of Swahili. I already knew how to say hello or hey ‘Jambo’ and thank you ‘Asante” but they taught me how to say things like how is your morning/afternoon/evening, my name is, how much is that, car, brother, sister, etc.

    Once the others finally arrived we had an hour drive northeast to Moshi. It was a beautiful drive. Endless crops of maize and sunflowers. It was during that drive when I really felt ‘holy shit I’m In Africa’.





    Once we arrived at homebase we met Mama Thea, our program director, and were greeted with fresh mango and guava juice. Mama Thea has been with CCS for a number of years and gave us a brief intro and welcome to Moshi. We were to have our complete intro once everyone arrived in the next day or so.














    It was myself and Nicole, one of the people we picked up at the airport, who were in our room first. Honestly, I expected the accommodations and bathroom situation to be worse so I was pleasantly surprised when we got there. I’ve had roommates on and off for the past 14 years but I’ve never had to share my room with anyone other than a boyfriend so I’m happy to report that it was an easy adjustment and we all got along very well and our shower and toilet schedules were not an issue in the least. All of that was definitely the biggest relief as I had some anxiety around it all.

    A lot of the group arrived later that night after Nicole and I fell asleep. We woke up so confused with they got in; not knowing what the hell was happening or what time it was. And they didn’t even know we were sleeping in the rooms so there was a bit of chaos and confusion. hah!

    The rest of the group got in the next day. That day we had an orientation, introduced ourselves to each other, staff included, and learned more about CCS’s involvement in the community. So much info to take in!

    It was a bit overwhelming at first trying to get settled in and what not along with the jet lag and the simple fact I was in Tanzania. Also, the excitement and nervousness of volunteering kicked in hard. Nervousness seemed to be the group consensus as none of us were teachers and only 1 of the volunteers had done this previously. We didn’t know what we were getting into! Good thing we left our expectations in our home countries because we were definitely in for a ride!

    More on my time in Tanzania to be continued. I am really enjoying reliving my experience in Tanzania by telling you all from the beginning how things played out. I want to hold on to these feelings as long as possible…