Monthly Archives: May 2015

And here I go!

The super shuttle picks me up in 2 short hours. I’ve just finished packing and cleaning about to do my nails when I receive an alert via text of possible fraud. Awesome. Yup, some fuckface jerk has taken my credit card info and is going on a shopping extravaganza through midtown. They’ve hit up Saks Fifth, Nike Town, and Zara to name a few. What incredible luck that the day I leave when the only credit card I own is mandated to be cancelled due to fraud. Blaugh!

I’m woosa’ing as I type..

The great news is that today I leave for Tanzania! It feels surreal. I have zero expectations besides gaining new perspectives. I’m sure it’ll hit me once I’m on the plane. I’m a bit nervous but in a really exhilarating way. The same kinda nervous when you know something big is gonna happen to change you. It’s the same feeling I had when I ran and jumped off a cliff to hang glide. Crazy and exciting all the same.

My beautiful amazing friend Cy is watching Hux while I’m gone. I’m so grateful for him and Huxley loves him, so I trust him implicitly.

Once Huxley saw the suitcases he was on to me. Suitcases cause him great anxiety. He knows. Poor pup. I’m gonna miss this lil monster so much.

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Thank you all that have wished me safe travels and an amazing experience. As always I am humbled by your support. I won’t have my laptop but I will try to update via mobile when I can.

Here’s to making the world just a tad bit better!

xoxo

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Fun time photos

I have a lot of things on my mind right now. So many big things have been happening in my life. All really good. I just completed the first of my 2 part coaching training. It’s been bittersweet but so fulfilling. I have a lot of emotions around it but feeling a lot of gratitude. I still need to process it all so I will get more into that at a later time. On top of that I quit my job and my trip to Africa is next week.

Big thangs.

More to come on what all that means shortly but for the interim here are some ‘fun time photos’. The weather has been nicer (although somewhat still erratic) so people are out and about and there are a lot of fun things planned.

Pictures below until I wrap my feelings around all that has been happening!

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Dinner with Dahlia! Such a fun night consisting of lychee martinis, sushi and many a saki bomb.

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Showing off my saran wrapped tattoo whilst drunk.

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Cinco De Mayo randomness. Unfortunately, I don’t know who is in possession of all the group photos. It was shenanigans. Not all good. And it ended up with meeting a random and hitting up a rooftop party. View from rooftop above.

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Celebrated Ela’s birthday downtown.

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Here we are on our way to visit Asia in Hoboken. Huxley is not a fan of long commutes consisting of 2 trains and a bus to Jersey.

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Views of the city from Frank Sinatra’s hometown.

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Waiting for the bus for the long trek back into Manhattan.

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Random wine nights trying to find our new neighborhood favorite as we are only couple aves and blocks away from each other.

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Happy hour and Japanese bbq with coworkers.

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Spring is beautiful in New York. My allergies are off the chains and had to get new prescriptions but damn, the city really transforms during this time.

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Asia graduated her masters program at Columbia and her fam was in town so we celebrated at a Polish restaurant in Greenpoint which is in Brooklyn. Pictures from dinner are floating elsewhere. Per the ushe.

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I saw a shooting star the other night. It made me even more hopeful for my future. I’m a big believer in signs the Universe sends your way. Good omens are everywhere. It’s best to pay attention.

Life Coaching

There’s a huge misnomer on what Life Coaching really does. Contrary to popular belief it is completely different from therapy. But I don’t want to get into that. If you want to know more of the difference please reach out. I can talk about that for hours. What I do want to do is tell you where I’m currently at. In the figurative AND literal sense.

I’m currently being trained in co-active coaching through the Coaches Training Institute (CTI). Co-active coaching holds the belief that the person being coached is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole; that the ‘coachee’ is fully capable of finding their own answers for any challenges that they face. Co-active coaching is that both the client and coach give 100% to each other. It’s a leveled playing field.

Some of the reasons why I chose this program are because CTI is the first program that has been accepted and accredit by the International Coaching Foundation (ICF). It’s the largest and oldest in-person school for coach training and it’s the only program that teaches co-active coaching. CTI has coached thousands and thousands of people over 20 years. These people have gone on to start their own business or have decided to be leaders in CTI. It’s fucking legit. Life Coaching is a real thing. It’s a career. It’s a legit business. Organizations even see the value this has and is bringing it into their businesses either by way of hiring consultants to coach their employees or ensuring their current employees go through training to establish a cultural mindset. Executives for Fortune 500 companies are also employing their own coaches to help them in leading their companies.

Again, you guys, this shit is fucking legit.

This program I’m in is a highly rigorous program. It consists of classes over the course of 5 months which I am finishing next week. Throughout the 5 months I have been coached, coached others, taken on actual clients, started a brand, and learned so much about who I am and what I stand for. This is all experiential learning. Which means we are physically doing and from that we are learning.

Besides a new career direction I’ve gotten so much personally out of this program. I’ve felt bouts of inspiration. I’ve felt empowered in different ways. I’ve learned to name things that get in the way of who I really am. I’ve broken down and was made to be completely vulnerable. I’ve cried in front of a room of 20-something people. Those same 20-something people have helped uplift me and made the space comfortable for me to be me. I’ve met wonderful people who are my tribe and my family. I can say with the utmost conviction that I am a better person because of this program.

I start the 2nd portion of the program, certification, when I return from Africa. During certification over the course of 6 months I will further deepen my coaching skills with even more rigorous training consisting of weekly calls with those in this group, working with my own life coach and coaching 5-7 clients to attain 200 hours of coaching.

Like I said this program is really freaking rigorous and at the end of it there is no doubt that I will have the capability and wherewithal to do what I came to realize here in New York is a huge passion of mine.

Some people call themselves a coach with zero training. It’s those people that give coaching a bad name and make it sound hokey. Those people are not equipped with the right tools and may just give you advice on what their own beliefs are. They may steer you in directions on what they feel you should do. They are holding their own agendas of “being right” as opposed to eliciting tools within you so that you can empower yourself.

That is wrong.

When I coach I do not coach from a place of my own opinions on what is happening in your life. I don’t need to be right. This is your life. Again, I coach from the co-active standpoint. We both give 100% to each other in this relationship. I will ask you deep powerful questions. I will listen to what you are or are not saying. I will help you take action on what you want for your life. I have no agenda besides to hold you in a safe space. I am not here to be right. I am frankly just here to help empower you with the tools to dictate your own life and show you that you have the means and creativity to do so.

For once in my life I know what I want to do. I’m really excited you guys. I want to share this with all of you. I wish you could all go through this journey with me. It’s so fucking dope and really ignites a fire in me. I have been blessed in many ways but finding this program has allowed me to truly live in my life’s purpose. I’m learning so much about myself and shedding things that don’t serve me. It’s such a liberating awesome feeling.

Thank you for uplifting me and being supportive in my journey. If you are at all curious and want to know more or want to learn better skills to empower yourself I encourage you to reach out. This is for everyone. This is real life shit. There is a reason why it’s called ‘Life Coaching’ after all. 😉

Inked Up

I’ve always loved tattoos. I think they’re sexy and can be a beautiful form of expression. With that said I don’t think everyone that has them is sexy nor do I like all tattoos. I mean, some of that shit is tacky and I don’t get it. But hey, to each their own.

I’ve always wanted a tattoo. Me and the best friend always used to say in high school we would get them when we turned 18. That didn’t happen. haha We both never knew what to get. As time passed on my urge to get inked never faded (lame pun intended).

For over 5 years now I have had a small tattoo on my left wrist . My father passed away 10 years ago so it’s a bit of an ode to him. It’s his middle name in my handwriting. It’s feminine, meaningful, and in a place that won’t stretch out and become deformed over the years.

Since I moved to New York 10 months ago the urge to get another tattoo has crept into my psyche. Again, I wanted something feminine and beautiful. Again, I wanted it in a place that wasn’t going to stretch with weight gain over the years. And it really had to mean something to me. It had to represent what my time in New York has meant. I wanted to look at it years from now and be reminded of what I’ve overcome and be able to reflect fondly at this period in my life.

I’ve always had a thing for peacock feathers. They are so beautiful. They symbolize beauty and integrity while showing their true colors. They can also mean, spirituality, awakening, compassion, and purity depending on origin. In Greek mythology they symbolize the vault of heaven and the eyes of the feathers are the eyes of the stars. How poetic and beautiful it that??

All of that? That is exactly what led me to move to New York. I am reminded to be true to myself and have the utmost integrity in how I show up everyday and present myself to the world. It reminds me to have compassion for myself and for others as we all have our own journey and hardships and are constantly tested. My time here in New York has truly been an awakening of sorts. I am a better version of me here. It hasn’t always been easy and there are still so many changes I’m going through but it’s been so raw and vulnerable. That shit is truly beautiful.

All of these things are reasons why I decided that the tattoo I was going to get was a peacock feather. It was a matter of time. I’ve been wanting this since I’ve moved here but I waited and got it at really, just the right time.

Being that I despise needles; I needed someone to hold my hand. So I enlisted the one true person that could make me laugh, make anything fun and make me get me out of my head all the while not having a scary look on her face as I was getting needles poked in me.

It turned out to be such a great day!

My tattoo artist was referred to me by Ela as he is a friend’s brother in law. He did such an amazing job. If you are ever in NYC and want to get tatted go see Miykey at New York Hardcore Tattoo in the Lower East Side. (yes, I got tatted at a place labeled Hardcore. I see the irony here). I went in and although I had a certain idea about things he knew what he was doing and really I had no choice in the matter. He took charge and basically told me that what he says goes in so many words. He really does know what he’s doing and good thing I listened! Miykey was funny and understanding of my sensitivity to needles and pain. He even gave me one of the shop’s beers to help ease the pain. After the great tattoo adventure Kimia and I got beers, then pizza, then more pizza, then margaritas and Mexican food. I mean, it doesn’t get any better than that!

I did take a vicodine to help ease the pain. Unfortunately, the vic only kicked in when I started getting drunk. Hah! More irony. So yes, I felt all the pain that tatoo’ing gives. It wasn’t pleasant but ask me if it was worth it.

This day is one of my favorite New York days to date and probably will remain to be so!

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(it was hard to pick colors since I didn’t know I was going to do color. And we didn’t end up using the golden orange)

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(Clearly excited for the PBR. Below Miykey is trying to pretend that this is his first time tattooing. Funny, not funny. Also, it was his personal touch to make the eye of the feather a heart. I love it!)

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(Admiring the work and sooo excited for what just happened)

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(Here I am looking like my forearm is seaweed but oh, so happy)

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(More fun ensues..)

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(I love my tat. I love beers. I love pizza. I love margs. And I love this girl)

#bestdayever

Vulnerability

Think of this word for a minute.

Vulnerability…

This is a scary word for most people. For me, it’s quickly become a value I’ve learned to hold very dear to my being.

I used to live my life in false bravado. Meaning, I thought I had it. I had moments of vulnerability, moments of joy, of silliness, of contentment, of longing, of reflection, of love, of pure survival. I thought that was it.

This was my life. These moments. These feelings. They are familiar. They are consistent.

Then there was a shift that I experienced. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened. It was around 4 years ago. I decided what I had wasn’t enough. What I felt wasn’t all I could feel. Who I was wasn’t all I could be. I wanted to explore how I got to where I was; and really just more of who I was because of situation and circumstance that was beyond my control. I also wanted to open a door to who I had the potential of being.

I consciously took action and sought out therapy. I’ve always been interested in the psychology of the mind and how that plays out in behaviors. I’m a big believer in therapy and what that world can provide to people if they only opened themselves up to it.

I can’t say that I realized at the time what was happening to me. I can’t say there was a defining moment that was the catalyst of change either. I think honestly what happened was that I became bored of all I knew and I was cognizant that there was more to me. That how I showed up every day to the world wasn’t necessarily how I wanted to present myself. But to change how I presented myself I needed to understand myself. To do that is to be vulnerable and compassionate with yourself.

The shift happened subtly although the work and reflection was tough and is still an ongoing process. Trying to understand things that came about in my life while living in the bias that is myself and my life is really strange and so existential I kind of had to look at it from a new mindset. Like holy fuck, heavy stuff. What I’m grateful for is the ability to do so. All of a sudden things weren’t enough. All of a sudden my passions started to present themselves to me. All of a sudden I had a fire in me that burned through me waiting to erupt like a volcano and I wanted everyone to be on my level.

It had me vexed.

What happened next was enlightening; my ideas and my perceptions of myself expanded. I was trying to process so much of what I was learning from my past and what got my to where I was. Throughout that time of self awareness the relationship I was in no longer became the relationship that fulfilled me. I was made to be aware of things I wanted that my man was incapable of giving me; to no fault of his own. He saw that before I did. I saw potential. He saw truth. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out and with that I felt my heart break in ways I never thought possible. I thought that because of the place I was in, my expectation was that everything would ‘work out’ because of timing or that I made myself vulnerable to him or whatever the fuck have you.  I had never been in love like that before. Shit, I had never truly been IN love before. He taught me that. My relationship with him taught me that. I think that because I was in such a place of transformation and self reflection already and I fell in love during that time everything was magnified with such propensity.

Through the time of feeling completely gutted, broken heart in a million bloody pieces laid out on the table in front of me; I shed my soul. Literally and figuratively. I reacted in ways I never would have been able to before. I shared with whoever would listen about my heartbreak. I talked and cried and wrote through it. I had to look at myself, really look at myself and what I had become. I continued to go to thearpy. I asked my friends and family for help. That one was tough for me. I could never ask for help before but I did it in all my broken glory. For the most part my request was received and people supported me and held me in such a loving supportive safe space. In a couple instances it wasn’t but there were lessons there that I also value and learned from.

Through my heart break I was still learning of who I was and who I wanted to be. I decided then to be vulnerable. Vulnerable in my pain and my heartache. The people that showed me love and time helped me understand what it meant to have a tribe. There were a few other times in my life I was tested. When that happens people step the fuck up and show you who they are and what you mean to them. It’s a beautiful thing. Through my brokenness I was able to recognize that. It helped me get through the pain. I will forever be grateful for those that showed me kindness, empathy and love. Compassion is huge. It comes from vulnerability. It should never be underestimated. That shit moves mountains.

I have such a hard on for learning and I am addicted to TED Talks. Do yourself a favor and watch the Ted Talk Brene Brown gave on vulnerability below. She is amazing. Then spend your day listening/watching other talks. Expand your mind and learn something. It’ll make you feel good. I promise