I’m realizing that what New York represents to people that move here is a dream. It’s as if the only way you can truly ‘make it’ is if you do it in New York. People are walking around hustling to reach their own individual goals. A city of 8 million and a city of even more dreams.
I came here to realize my dreams and in doing so I am starting to live them.
Holy fuck is that a good feeling.
Different people have asked me why I moved here and I haven’t really been able to articulate why. I give the standard “I come to visit the city at least once a year. I fell in love with it 8 years ago. I was ready for a change…” or if I’m feeling cheeky the “well I wasn’t ready to settle down and have kids and all my friends back home are doing just that so I figured why not move to a city where the focus isn’t that…” and sometimes “it’s just for 2-3 years and the only way I could move back to the Bay eventually was to move to an even more expensive city…” Or other variations of these same answers.
In ruminating on it more and having now been here for almost 7 months I’m understanding that I moved because I was longing for something and knew that whatever it was I would find it here in New York. There was something that kept pulling me towards this city. It’s why I came back every year to visit. It’s why different people have told me they could see me living here even before I could. It’s why on a whim based on a conversation that came up when I visited here last May I decided in my heart that I was going to move here and I was going to do it asap.
I could no longer ignore the longing inside me that kept pulling me towards NYC.
From that catapulted so much more fire in me I didn’t know was there.
It’s like Eve eating the forbidden apple and from that knowing how vast the world really was with all it’s good and evil. But with me; the fire is igniting all this shit within me that I didn’t realize were dreams of mine with the true possibility of all of it coming to fruition. Fruition. That’s funny. I didn’t intend for there to be that comparison within my simile and metaphor. Fruition can mean when something, like a plan or project, is realized or it can mean when fruit is produced.
Even as I write or try to formulate my own thoughts I realize there could be something good there. Such is the process of writing, I guess.
It is now the first day of February and I’m sitting here in a coffee shop in my ‘hood. This morning Huxley and I took a long walk through Central Park. It looks different everyday although equally beautiful. It’s inspiring to see such beauty.
What I want for my day is to produce some ideas. I wanted to get the creative juices flowing. I wanted to write and I wanted to brainstorm on ways to market myself in my new venture. This is going to be new for me. The whole me being my own brand. I’ve dabbled with it by having this blog and by creating a fundraising campaign but me marketing myself in a way that will help change my career will be big for me.
This seems to be my current theme right now. Believing that I am worthy to be a brand and to have value and to be heard. I just ask that you all are patient in my journey and if you are here to stand with me in my campaigning for me remind me when I get down or frustrated if you feel so inclined to encourage. I’m sheding some old values I’ve had of myself that no longer serve me and it’s not easy. I’m realizing the perception I had of me maybe wasn’t all true. I’m also realizing that a lot of the ways I wanted to be perceived by others is in fact true and so now I’m working on the things that I am not and want to be. So if you are still here as a ride or die’r to support me in this journey a million times I thank you. Your support is felt this many miles away and it warms my heart daily.