Monthly Archives: February 2015

Updates

I have tons to update you all on however i’ve had a very stimulating day and I just don’t have too much more in me. What I’m going to do is open a bottle of wine and decompress and reflect on some coaching skills I learned today.

As a really brief update here’s the latest:

  • I met a boy. I’m not sure what’s going to happen but I did and I’m smitten. Fucking. smitten.
  • I probably had the best Valentine’s ever, that btw, had completely nothing to do with the boy
  • I went to DC for he first time to visit friends who were there for work
  • I started the 2nd part of my life coach training and once again I feel empowered and all is right in my world

That’s the latest and I will get into more details later and post pics. I’m sure you all are dying to know more…

 

 

Advertisements

Me

IMG_0480

Only in the recent few years have I begun to define who I am.  I think it’s only because in the last few years have I come to understand what has helped shape me by circumstance and what has helped shape me by personal choice. What has helped me accept and love who I’ve become is being able to differentiate the two.

I’m a younger looking 32. At least I like to think so and feel validation when asked to see my id.

I moved to NYC a little over 7 months ago and am recently realizing what a huge deal that was.

I am honest to a fault but have learned tact and am practicing holding back all my truth because not everyone wants to hear it.

I sometimes eat my feelings. I can’t decide if that’s an excuse or not becuase I love food that much. I have an extreme weakness for anything cheesy or carb loaded or fried or even better all three at once.

I love adventure but sometimes feel hindered by my lack of staying in shape and the fact that I can’t swim. As in I have the urge to jump off a cliff into the ocean but it’s probably not safe since I can’t swim. Or I would love to climb a mountain but not sure if my lung capacity can handle that.

I’m all belly but I mask it well because I know the types of clothes that accentuate what they need to.

I love reading but I love language even more. The words dance together and it’s beautiful. My father instilled in me the habit to look up a word immediately if I didn’t know the meaning and doing that has and continues to enrich my vocabulary.

I fall in love a million times a day. If I see a beautiful sunrise. An adorable child on the subway. A hot man with pretty eyes locking his pretty with me for just a sec. When the kind man distributing the metro paper tells me on the way to work to have a wonderful day. When I’m rockin a hot outfit. When I come home to Huxley and he’s so happy to see me as if I changed his whole day around and the world is right again. When a stranger smiles back at me. When it’s snowing. When a boy in his stroller is making crash noises with his toy cars on the subway. When my trains run seamlessly and on time. When I get a text and it’s a picture of my nephew bear. Each time I realize I actually live in New York City. When I think that for the first time ever in June I will get to visit the African continent. When I ate that bomb ass egg and cheese on croissant…

I’m a sucker in love.

Hopeless? I don’t think so. Romantic? Beyond comprehension.

I worry sometimes I won’t have all the time to do all i want to do in this life. But that kind of pressure pushes me to want and do more.

These are all sums of me. They do not define me. They are a part of what makes me me. What truly defines me are my values and my character and the way I show up in life everyday.

How I showed up yesterday wasn’t pretty.

I had a bit of a breakdown last night. My first New York City breakdown. I had to drop $500 at the vet because the pup has been throwing up almost every day for a couple weeks. I’ve been stressing hard about finances and stability lately and with a shit day at work and worrying about Hux and a million other things I walked away from the vet feeling utterly defeated. 

I dropped Huxley off at home and took my sorry ass to the wine store to get a bottle to drown my sorrows. Yes, I did. Go ahead and judge.

It felt like someone was ripping through my soul.

I came home but before I poured a heavy glass I fought tooth and nail with the couch cover that shrank from my dry cleaning it due to Huxley’s throw up. A couch cover that has somewhat become a point of contention for me and my roommate. (Another story for another time). That shit stressed me out even harder and I hurt my hand in the process and had to call into one of my lifelines.

That shit? That damn couch shit? That was ‘the straw that broke the camels back’.

I broke down. BROKE. DOWN.

My roommate came home to me on the misshapen covered couch looking sad and dejected in the midst of fat sobs holding a big bertha glass of wine with the lights low and Sinatra playing on pandora.

I felt thoroughly confused that I was in this place of such heavy uneasy anxious defeated magnitude. I have been doing everything right and I felt the universe was scoffing at me.

Bitch.

I really lost myself for a bit there. Shit became so overwhelming and escalated so quickly.

Hello New York City break down. Welcome to my life.

I was rest assured from the roomie that everyone needs this shit from time to time and that almost 8 months in I was really late to the game. That made me feel slightly better.

Then just as quick as it came, it went. I spent the rest of my night face timing with a guy that I am having all sorts of feelings for. A guy I don’t even really know but feel like I do. A guy I think I want in my life. Whoah nelly. Hold up.

Here I go falling in love for the millionth and 1 time..

So there you have it.

These are all parts of me. Bits and pieces. I feel with all of my heart when I feel things and immerse myself in moments but then moments pass and there are new moments.

But here I am showing up in life and living. If you need to define me, there you have it. Take what you need and leave the rest.

 

 

Branding

I’m realizing that what New York represents to people that move here is a dream. It’s as if the only way you can truly ‘make it’ is if you do it in New York. People are walking around hustling to reach their own individual goals. A city of 8 million and a city of even more dreams.

I came here to realize my dreams and in doing so I am starting to live them.

Holy fuck is that a good feeling.
Different people have asked me why I moved here and I haven’t really been able to articulate why. I give the standard “I come to visit the city at least once a year. I fell in love with it 8 years ago. I was ready for a change…” or if I’m feeling cheeky the “well I wasn’t ready to settle down and have kids and all my friends back home are doing just that so I figured why not move to a city where the focus isn’t that…” and sometimes “it’s just for 2-3 years and the only way I could move back to the Bay eventually was to move to an even more expensive city…” Or other variations of these same answers.
In ruminating on it more and having now been here for almost 7 months I’m understanding that I moved because I was longing for something and knew that whatever it was I would find it here in New York. There was something that kept pulling me towards this city. It’s why I came back every year to visit. It’s why different people have told me they could see me living here even before I could. It’s why on a whim based on a conversation that came up when I visited here last May I decided in my heart that I was going to move here and I was going to do it asap.
I could no longer ignore the longing inside me that kept pulling me towards NYC.
From that catapulted so much more fire in me I didn’t know was there.
It’s like Eve eating the forbidden apple and from that knowing how vast the world really was with all it’s good and evil. But with me; the fire is igniting all this shit within me that I didn’t realize were dreams of mine with the true possibility of all of it coming to fruition. Fruition. That’s funny. I didn’t intend for there to be that comparison within my simile and metaphor. Fruition can mean when something, like a plan or project, is realized or it can mean when fruit is produced.
Huh.
Even as I write or try to formulate my own thoughts I realize there could be something good there. Such is the process of writing, I guess.
It is now the first day of February and I’m sitting here in a coffee shop in my ‘hood. This morning Huxley and I took a long walk through Central Park. It looks different everyday although equally beautiful. It’s inspiring to see such beauty.
What I want for my day is to produce some ideas. I wanted to get the creative juices flowing. I wanted to write and I wanted to brainstorm on ways to market myself in my new venture. This is going to be new for me. The whole me being my own brand. I’ve dabbled with it by having this blog and by creating a fundraising campaign but me marketing myself in a way that will help change my career will be big for me.
This seems to be my current theme right now. Believing that I am worthy to be a brand and to have value and to be heard. I just ask that you all are patient in my journey and if you are here to stand with me in my campaigning for me remind me when I get down or frustrated if you feel so inclined to encourage. I’m sheding some old values I’ve had of myself that no longer serve me and it’s not easy. I’m realizing the perception I had of me maybe wasn’t all true. I’m also realizing that a lot of the ways I wanted to be perceived by others is in fact true and so now I’m working on the things that I am not and want to be. So if you are still here as a ride or die’r to support me in this journey a million times I thank you. Your support is felt this many miles away and it warms my heart daily.

The Snowpocalypse of Jan 2015

The governor declared it a state emergency last Monday given the predicted impending blizzard that was to come on Tuesday. We were expected to have mass amounts of snow. The whole city was preparing for the worst. The subways and buses were scheduled to shut down. There was a mandatory no transportation ban on the roads after 11PM Monday night.Unfortunately for most, that included seamless delivery bikes. People were lining up at all possible grocery stores ’round the block.  A snowday was called for students and all those who couldn’t ‘wfh’.

IMG_0174

IMG_0233

The Snowpocalyspe of January 2015 ended up failing to materialize. It was a little disappointing given this was the first time as a resident that I was going to witness something at such a huge magnitude. (sidenote: As a visitor I experienced the whole city shut down for Hurricane Irene in 2011) I do understand however the precaution city officials had to take to ensure everything was in place should such an event occur.

IMG_0225

It was crazy to see that the snow fell and if you looked closely many of them were perfect little stars. It was pretty amazing for me as I had never seen that before. There really is something magical about snow.

IMG_0183

IMG_0230

I left work early on Monday due to the threats of shutting down the subways early. All I kept thinking was how much wine do I have to last me if I’m stuck at home for the next few days. It didn’t end up mattering how much wine I had at home since that night I ended up meeting my roomie at a bar down our street for a couple glasses of wine to catch up on her Mexico trip and the latest in my dating woes. It was a blast.

IMG_0186

IMG_0187

IMG_0190

IMG_0197

IMG_0202

IMG_0207

IMG_0228

IMG_0217

My first class of my new journey as a life coach was supposed to start on Tuesday. Unfortunately, it was canceled but fortunately, it resumed the next day. I will get into it more in another post but I will say that I feel empowered and blessed and have complete conviction that this new venture was designed by the ‘powers that be’ as part of my new life here in New York. This is exactly where I should be and I am anxious and excited and really truly lit up from within my core of the possibilities.

It’s been a long magical week of great magnitude in more ways than one. If this is what winter is like in New York it ain’t half bad. In fact it’s pretty fucking glorious.

This is the 3rd season I’ve experienced as a resident. Each one that goes by I fall even more in love with this beautiful city. She has a lot of layers and so much depth and it’s pretty damn invigorating.

More photos of the aftermath of ‘Juno’:

IMG_0179

IMG_0200

IMG_0232

IMG_0234

IMG_0236

IMG_0237

IMG_0238

IMG_0241

IMG_0244

IMG_0286

IMG_0288

IMG_0289