Monthly Archives: January 2015

Letting love find you

Here’s the deal. Don’t most things worth something require time and energy and x amount of effort? Isn’t the saying ‘with great risk comes great reward’? Or ‘you get in what you put in’? Haven’t we been taught that with perseverance and fortitude we will fulfill all our hearts desire? If that is the case why do the rules change when it comes to romantic love?

People like to say not to go looking for love because it will find you.  I think that’s bullshit. I used to believe the all good things come to those who wait hoopla but the reality is if you sit on your ass and wait for things to happen life will pass you by.

See that bus that is packed with people homie? See it riding off into the sunset without you?Yeah, all those people are keeping things moving and making things happen and you sad grasshopper are sitting at the bus stop confused as hell that it didn’t stop to drop shit off to you. What you should’ve done dumb ass is hopped on that mother fucker and chased that sunset.

You have to be an active participant in your life. You have to create opportunity to happen for yourself otherwise who the hell will?

I decided what I want in my life is a partner. That shit took a lot of thought to get there. I am very happy being single. I am very happy not compromising my life and my daily needs. I consciously decided that I am ready now to share my self with someone. In deciding that you think now Mr Right is gonna walk up to the 4th floor of my building knock on my door and say “hey baby, i’ve been waiting for you to be ready and since now you are i’m here let’s get married and make beautiful children”. Hell no.

If I want to meet someone I have to adjust my life to be completely open in doing so. I have to be on the modern day dating tip. Get my photos right and start swiping away on Tinder or Hinge or whatever the fuck I need to so that I can garner some traction.

I think people are somewhat ignorant to say things will happen when you’re not looking. What I think is that when you are in right sound and mind and still make healthy happy authentic choices to better your life and work towards your goal with consistent effort those opportunities will indeed present themselves; in whichever way you need them to. Whether it be job-wise, finance-wise, love-wise, whatever.

You gotta work for what you want in anything you do.

– Want a new job? Better update your resume, apply for positions, interview and continue to network

– Want to go on that vacation but you don’t have any money? Better make a budget and start sacrificing things so that you can

– Want to move across the county? Better start researching how you can go about that and get all your ducks in a row to do so

– You want someone to love you? Better make sure you are in love with yourself first

All this shit takes work. So no, I’m not convinced that all you gotta do is sit on your ass and good things will happen and be patient and love will come. Bullcaca.

I am creating opportunities for a life that I consciously and thoughtfully decided I now want for myself. I will continue to work for what I want. I am passionate and I am engaged in life and I am mindfully healthy to do so.

Once I do meet someone that I think is worthy of my time and my heart and all things in between; I will continue to work to maintain that relationship I deem worthy.

Again, the work. It all requires work.

So please don’t tell me to be patient or it will come when it comes. Things come when you put in work and you’re ready for whatever it is you want to come.

I’m the only one who knows if I am ready. And I’m ready.

Watch me ride off into the sunset chasing butterflies while having fun doing so. I’ll make sure to wave at you if you’re sitting at the bus stop.

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Juggling

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve missed it but these last few weeks into the new year and I’m feeling like there is a lot happening; things are pretty balanced and there hasn’t been too much unwanted disruption. January has been eventful and emotional but a great start to the year. I had a wonderful first day of the New Year brunching and exploring some of Brooklyn with friends and then later dinner with some other pretty amazing people in the UWS.

I did have a few moments of reflection about what I’ve gone through since the 10 years had passed when I first heard of my dad’s death. There was a beautiful moment while I waited in a subway station for the train and there was a musician playing Nat King Cole and Ol Blue Eyes. I grew up listening to these artists and the like. It’s my favorite genre of music. It made me feel like my father was with me and reflecting on my life alongside me.

Those kinds of moments aren’t accidental. A lot of other things have happened the past few weeks. I’ve been able to clean up some things with work, I’ve gone on a handful of dates with a handful of guys, I’ve signed up for volunteer work and meetups, I started and finished that amazing podcast Serial, I read an awesome book by a wonderful author, I’ve met up with friends for dinner and tried new restaurants, I’ve had happy hours and made amends with a coworker (well I guess more like cleared the air), I’ve come across some adorable puppies on various occasions which melted my heart, I tried soul cycle for the first time, I’ve seen beautiful sunrises just walking to my subway to get to work, I’ve deepened relationships that are important to me, I continue to make choices that are beneficial to the person I am proud to be…

Such is life.

Shit keeps moving. It’s only been 3 weeks and a lot has happened. I love staying busy. I’ve always been this way. I become incredibly lethargic and for lack of a better word ‘blah’ and depressed when I don’t have fun things happening around me or even just things. I’m a very passionate person so it only makes sense I need so much stimulation to keep things flowing.

This month also marks my 6 month-versary of living in New York City. It’s going by incredibly fast and that scares me yet also shows me that when you want something and put all your efforts into your goals it’s easy. Your psche and equilibrium become in sync. My roomie likes to remind me of how much I’ve done since I’ve been here when I start to feel like things are too stagnant or not going in the direction I want as quickly as I’d like them to go. I appreciate the reminders. She’s been such a wonderful addition to my life I am beyond grateful to have met her.

No mistakes just happy accidents.

This month I also start my program to becoming a Life Coach. I’ve very excited to learn some new skill sets and apply things I’ve already learned to help others motivate. I’ve always seen myself in a role of helping others in a way that also inspires me. Color me excited. I’m in a really good place right now. I’m exactly where I need to be. But it’s all a juggling act. Finding a rhythm and flow to life so that things stay balanced. Some things are more emotional than others (ie my toxic work environment, my dating life, not having enough in the finance department, etc). And sometimes I waver on the more obsessive and get into panic mode and start to feel insecure about my dreams and my capabilities. But then I talk myself off the ledge and give myself some love. Gotta woosaa. (Go watch Bad Boys if you don’t know what I mean by woosaa). Trusting myself is an ongoing process. Sometimes it’s really tough. I am still struggling with giving myself some leniency and a little bit of deserving credit. I’m sorry I have no photos. Still need to get my iphoto situated by those geniuses. It shall happen soon.

For now I leave you with this: