I’ve been thinking lately of making a career change. Ask me what and I’m unable to respond to that. I’m still unsure of that tiny little detail. I started my job a month and a half ago. Do I like it? Not one bit. Am I happy I’m getting paid? Fuck yea I am. My savings is still sorely lacking. And by lacking I mean it’s nonexistent; but like everything I’m giving it the gift of time. But my closet sure is growing by the day given my penchant for online shopping and pretty new things.
This company is such a chaotic mess. People are constantly pointing fingers and throwing others under the proverbial bus. My boss is basically a bipolar nut job. She huffs and puffs all day long complaining loudly of all the things she has to do and what her calendar looks like. It’s obnoxious and uncalled for. My new coworker started 3 weeks ago and although she’s nice and I really do like her; she can be just as draining with her negativity and incessant talking. I hate how I’m so sensitive to my environment. I try to work with my headphones on but that doesn’t seem to help. I’ve even tried to nicely tell her we should be positive since we are here for at least the interim. She’s not the kind of person to be positive. I’m at a complete loss.
So here I am. I’m struggling to maintain some semblance of sanity as I get through my days one at a time. It’s tough. I’m overwhelmed with my workload and I still don’t know the ins and outs of the business because my boss keeps telling me she doesn’t know shit either but to ‘just go with it’. She keeps repeating her go to mantra ‘it’s all about adaptability, flexibility, and a sense of humor here’. She says that and my immediate reaction is to roll my eyes and/or punch her in the throat. Just kidding. Not really…
With all this said, I’m beyond drained at the end of the day. When I’m riding my 2nd train on my commute home and I approach my neighborhood that’s when I really start to relax. The Upper West Side is a completely different world from where my job is midtown. Once I walk up the subway steps and hit the fresh air blowing from all directions I see trees and sidewalk space. Every time I get off my stop I feel like I’m in a different world. It’s amazing.
That’s the misconception with New York. Manhattan is huge. It’s not a 14 mile radius like San Francisco. You really feel the difference in the varying neighborhoods. It’s wonderful.
Because the days in New York are so long (people pack in so much in one day here. ie work, errands, volunteering, a workout, hh [happy hour], walking/feeding the dog, dinner with friends or a date etc all in one day!) I like to decompress by enjoying a glass of wine or cocktail. So I end up coming home, running some errands then I let the lil pup out and feed him then I’m on my way to a restaurant I’ve been meaning to check out. If possible I’d prefer getting together with a friend but if not I still really enjoy solo time at the bar of the reataurant.
The problem that presents itself is that this shit gets fucking expensive. I probably cook 1-2 meals at home a week on a really good week. I miss cooking but I prefer to spend my time out of my apartment. I mean, I didn’t move all the way across the country to New York City to spend all my time in my apartment. Especially since winter is coming, I know that I most likely won’t want to leave my apartment when the weather is shitty and unbearable.
Currently I am siting at a new restaurant that just opened 3 weeks ago that I’ve been meaning to check out. It’s trendy and has an awesome bar. The bartender has been feeding me tastings. It’s great. I’m also 2 blocks from home. Beyond ideal. I have so many restaurants and bars around me I can’t get over it. Ela and my roommate are separately on their way to meet me but I wanted to get some writing in and have some solo time before. I love this shit, I really do. Not just the writing but the being able to go sit a a bar in a restaurant so close to my apt and have a drink and be in my own little world. I recommend you all do it. You will feel empowered, I promise.
Anyways, I recently bought the book ‘What Color is My Parachute’. It’s supposed to help you decide the what’s and how’s of a career as well as providing tips on landing the what’s and how’s. A lot of it I’m aware of (given I’m a recruiter and all) and some of it I don’t agree with; but I figure anything helps. I’ve gotten to the part where I now need to do ‘work’. As in, there are exercises that will help me tune in on what careers I need to start focusing in on. I don’t mind the work. You get in what you put in right? Right. (That shit was rhetorical)
All of this career shit is TBD. I keep thinking that I didn’t move all this way, miles and miles from home, to become complacent in a job I thoroughly do not enjoy. Please send good vibes. I’m very self aware but I want to make sure my next career move truly brings me joy and can use any help in the right direction. And even in of itself I just want a next career move. In all ways possible I want to enrich my life. Fortunately or unfortunately, I am constantly reminded of my mortality and that shit scares me to no avail. I’ve spent so many days, months, and years unhappy. I won’t allow myself to be in that kind of position again. I am telling you all this so I can be accountable. Feel free to hold me to that shit and call me out when necessary. Put me on blast. If any, I will respect you more for calling me out. I dare you.